Putting Narcissists in the Garbage: Toxic Friend #1


For the longest time, I’ve been wanting to write about my experience with narcissists. The first sign that I noticed that I was surround by narcissists were the “friends” that I was around. I noticed that one in particular, whom later I learned was from a family of narcissists, would speak out of both sides of his mouth. For instance, this”friend” told me religion had no necessity in this day and age, but then turn to a mutual acquaintance and say that religion is still necessary. The mutual acquaintance and I noticed these conflicting statements and later our friend went into damage control mode. From there, the demarcation was formed. And the light started to shine.

Over the course of years I noticed that he had peculiar beliefs and behaviors. Notably he had no concrete opinions or ideas. He would change his world view, opinions, and thoughts on a dime to fit the people he was around. If one were to ask him a direct and definitive question, he would answer in a quasi-philosophical manner or use word salad to answer. Which would leave, not just myself, but others confused as to what he said. I’ve come to learn that this is a common tactic narcissists use to 1) confuse their target and 2) attempt to appear smarter than everyone. Some other bizarre beliefs he held was to blame fate for his failures in life not himself for either causing his failures or in the least being partially responsible for his failures. He would always tell others and myself that it was bad luck that caused his failures, that it was the universe causing his problems, not the fact that he parked his car on a street where store owners told him that several cars in the last few nights were broken into and/or stolen. Only to have his car windows broken, which could have been avoided had he parked his car in the garage costing perhaps $10 compared to the several hundred dollars it cost to repair his car.

(As an aside, I’ve noticed with him and others that they spend so much time on creating a false persona, that if they were to just spend just a modicum of time working on themselves being an authentic person, they would be far more successful in life. But he and others with his personality don’t want to work, whether it’s a job or learning a skill, themselves, etc., because that’s time away from getting attention from others.)

Before becoming an engineer, I was a musician. And this “friend,” whenever I would show him an advance rhythm, musical idea, etc. that required practice to perform or to expand one’s mind, he would just hand wave it away saying, “I already do that naturally. I don’t need to learn.” Then I would ask him to perform it and he and couldn’t perform it. What I’ve learned over the years is that healthy minded people will acknowledge they cannot perform a task or don’t have a skill, but then take steps to learn a skill to over come their shortcomings.

Other bizarre ideas he had was that he honestly thought that God himself would imbue him with some type of of title, special treatment, and the like. The last two odd behaviors I noticed with him was this victim mentality, which I alluded to above with his notion that fate and/or God was what caused him to fail at life. But he would intentionally go out of his way to create situations where he would fail. Just so that he could claim he was a victim as a means to manipulate others for attention. And to manipulate others to feel sorry for him . . . again emotional manipulation. Lastly . . . board games. He had many board games. Games that were stacked from floor to ceiling . . . . two walls of these games. I realized later that the reason he played these games wasn’t for the sake of entertainment, but as a coy means to gather people together under the guise of  entertainment in order to better learn how to manipulate others.

To recap, if you find yourself surrounded by someone who blames others, whether real or imagined, for their failures, has a victim mindset, intentionally sets themselves for failure, doesn’t learn from their mistakes, doesn’t have concrete ideas or thoughts, shifts their beliefs to fit as a means to get attention, you would be best to ditch them and move on. As for this “friend,” it’s been several years since I last talked to him. I have him and others blocked on social media, I have gone no contact for several yeas and quite frankly not have him and others around me . . . my life has gotten better. Toxic people are best ignored and left in the proverbial landfill. Perhaps in the future I will write more about other bizarre behaviors this person had.

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