I have a dream.
That one day we will be able to gather all of the mutants of pop culture into one location.
Perhaps in a hotel.
Perhaps in an arena.
Perhaps on a TV show.
Now that I think of it, it would be best to gather these mutants on an airplane.
I have a dream that
the cast from Jersey Shore,
the judges from American Idle,
I have a dream that their airplane will depart from New York City.
Set to land in Hawaii.
Only once it reaches flying altitude,
A wing just falls off.
Oh wait . . . .that’s because Snooki was in charge of checking the wing.
As the plane descends into an uncontrollable 700mph vertical nose dive, Tila Tequila will finally learn which hole she shits out of.
Randy from American Idle, is shouting, “You go dawg!!!!”
Nickelback will quickly write a tune called, “This Airplane” . . . . “this airplane, it has two wings, it’s really cool, we’re inside it, going . . . .going . . .. going somewhere. YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
Seconds before the plane crashes, Rebecca Black will fight with Nickelback because she can’t hear herself sing her new song, “It’s Saturday and I’m Off.”
The plane crashes exploding into a million pieces in the Pennsylvania woods. The lone survivors are Chad Kroger and Snooki. Kroger begins running away from the crash site only to encounter a pack of grizzle bears, which maul him to death. Afterwards the bears use his head in a friendly game of soccer.
Snooki, crawls from wreckage to a nearby stream. Before she has her final drink, she will cease, minutes afterwards a black bile will pour from all her orifices. It will merge with the stream. While this is happening deers will emerge singing, “Snooki is dead. Snooki is dead. The bitch is dead!” In celebration they drink from the stream. They begin to feel a sudden change. Snooki’s black bile is taking over. They notice they can’t think as much. And life is not necessary. They begin eating each other. Their bile enters the stream. By week’s end, much of woodland life is reduced to this foul black vile bile that has entered the natural water system. The bile moves eastward toward Washington DC, Philadelphia, and NYC. By late Friday afternoon it has entered Washington DC’s water system. Politicians are the fastest to transform. Parents eat their kids. Kids eat their parents. Spouses eat each other. The black bile moves north to Philadelphia, but nothing happens in Philadelphia because its the weekend. And Philadelphia is closed on weekends.
Finally, the black bile makes it to New York City. New Yorkers rejoice in knowing it finally arrived. The first person New Yorkers toss to the bile is the famed Youtube sensation, “Drinking with Bob.” The city burst into cheer and happiness knowing that they don’t have to ever hear the catch phrase, “What’s next? What’s next? What’s next?”
I awake to find that my radio has been on for some time. And the announcer is recapping last night’s episode of “American Idol” and talked about Nickelback and Rebecca Black.
The Damage Dealing Meat Shield
Today’s Inspiration: http://www.youtube.com/user/nickelbacktv?ob=4&feature=results_main#p/u/4/mT7EcNHovJ8
*Originally Posted on March 6, 2012
PS. And yes, I’m tipping my hat to George!!!